Losing the Lonely

The older I get, the lonelier I seem to become. This is probably for several reasons including the separation from my family and friends at home, a quickly developed understanding of the hostile world, and no relationship. Unfortunately,  before I become able to cope with this feeling, I would quickly attach and commit myself to people in all areas of life. So I have developed a list to challenge all of the lonely feelings we develop as the world expands before our eyes.



                                                                       Keep a "Good Mood" Playlist

Media is extremely powerful. So powerful in fact, that we can literally hear a single song and be reminded of 100 moments that were alive one small memory. Sometimes those moments made us sad, other times they made us happy, and others, confident. Keep a list of confident and uplifting songs. That way when you miss home, you can listen to a favorite family song. When you miss your old friends, you can listen to that song you got ready to on new years and the gap can literally be filled.





Create Comfort Foods

My mom always made a big breakfast on Sunday's, which would bring family and friends to her kitchen. Make those pancakes that remind you of her comfort and love. Maybe your mother made a dinner dish frequently that was your favorite. Making one of those special dishes once a week can bring vitality to your life. Sure, some of us are getting by on very little, but breaking away from the potatoes, peanut butter and jelly, or single fish fillet when you get a chance is a necessity.

Keep a Journal

I have dedicated an entire blog to journaling and it's importance, but this may be one area it helps most. So many people are feeding us new information and it is good to take in new information and apply it to your life. However, it is never a bad idea to hold onto your roots, especially if you were raised with good values. Instead of outbursting or letting the large volume of personalties effect you, jot it down in the journal and read it later.





Next time you feel lonely, don't throw a pity part. Just keep the best parts of your being; home, tradition, values, and warm memories. While exploring your own little world, don't forget to wipe that tear drop before it falls. It is difficult to Winc. and cry at the same time. ;)

Avoiding Abuse

There are many forms of abuse crawling through the universe, masked behind profound hurt in friends, family members, partners, spouses, and really, any kind of relationship you have to form with another human being. This can even be in the work place when you least expect it. I am not one to encourage putting guards up to prevent new growth in life. As a matter of fact, a good majority of us need to be more trusting and honest with ourselves. However, you do need to know when to put the pin on small deceitful actions that build up to larger ones.

The last few months I have taken off of school to "recollect" after I allowed several abusive relationships to tare me down and placed burdens on my back. They ranged from boyfriends, to girlfriends, to employers, to friends that were boys, to family members and now I find myself in isolation, separation from self, and honestly, just down in the dumps. The worst part is, most of this was a manifestation of a very important relationship that turned abusive.

To give you several examples of what this has looked like in my own life I will begin with my last relationship. Everything was great at first but the more I shared of myself the more controlling and separated he became. He began to ignore me when I came over ( after several months), and refused to join me in any activity, and even began to bash all of my dreams, goals, and joys. It only got worse, from me finding a bracelet on the side his bed to finding some inappropriate texts and I stayed because I didn't want to get the "I told you so lecture" from my friends.

Next, I met a girlfriend while at school who appeared genuine. We would hang out, eat an unforgivable amount of sweets, and talk about the toxic relationships we were both in. Little did I realize, she was going through a tremendous amount of hurt from her ex boyfriend. Once the school year came around and I hung out with her ex's new girlfriend (which I was honest about), she literally had me kicked me out of the room I had moved into to, changed the locks on her doors, and humiliated me while I was living a state away from home.

During and after this situation, I began working as a sever at a restaurant near my school. Several men came in frequently and would give me compliments, some very aggressive about it. And one day, an older gentleman came in and said something so degrading I did not know what to think, and with all of the prior abuse I dealt with, my voice had dwindled as it were. The sexual harassment got so bad, that I just quit, and I did not even have to gumption to tell my boss that is why.

Just the other day, the final straw was pulled in my bundle of abuse and mistreatment. I had moved in with a friend of a family member and was renting the bed of one of his friends. I was renting out the room month to month, planning on finding something more permanent once I made a few friends in the area. He had been dragging me to eat and asking for favors since I had moved in, and considering I was renting a room on a professional level, I would decline. Finally he asked me to commit to 2 months, which I was not prepared to, and after I gave it some thought and decline, tried to pull the "favor" card. He said he did me a favor by allowing me to live in his cock roach infested apartment and now I needed to did him one so he could afford to prepare for his LSAT preparation. Once I politely told him I would be looking elsewhere he not only requested I leave, but stole $550 dollars from my dresser and put it in his account before I got home. Needless to say, the deception was relatively evident from the start, but it took me a while to figure it out.

After and entire year an and a half of emotional abuse, eating myself to death, and being severely depressed, I am hoping most of you will be smart enough to stop these crumbling relationships before they start. Abuse hurts your soul and spirit, which are the most important parts of your being. I love you all and I know this one was lengthy, but I do not want anyone I know going through the same amount of pain. Avoid abuse by being patient, holding onto yourself and values, and keeping a eye peeled. Small actions build to larger once if they are not stopped at the source. It is like a parking ticket, if you do not take precautions early on you will get a ticket, and if you don't pay or forget to pay then you get a double fine, and if that goes unpaid you may even get in trouble with the law. Don't be a victim of abuse. I never saw any of this coming in my life, please do not be as spineless as I was.

And while your are taking in all of your surroundings wide eyed, don't forget to Winc ;)

Abuse Victim Hotline

By email: help@avhotline.org

By confidential web form: AV Hotline Confidential Contact Form

Online Hotline: Enabled M-F, 8AM-4PM (EST)

By phone: 1.877.4.It.To.Stop (1-877-448-8678)

"Hurt people, hurt people."

Miss Mechanic

Okay ladies, amongst an array of ugly realities we must accept about our status in the world, although we have come a long way, there are still several areas where we are lacking respect and knowledge. Yes, you guessed it, I am talking about the lovely subject we blissfully avoid familiarity with, our vehicles.

Over the summer, my Jeep, who I love dearly, began having a few problems. First, she began moving in this very jerky motion, like my engine was going to explode any second, so I had to take it in. After a check up, I learned that my car had an "electrical problem in the transmission". What do I know about a transmission? Try nothing. So I asked what the total would be and the mechanic estimated it around $550. Ouch. I had a lunch shift to work around the corner, so I told them mechanic I would be back within the next few hours, and he assured me the car would be fixed by then. Well, it was fixed all right when I came back, with the exception of several ordered parts that he "didn't know he would need earlier" Total: $850.00. Did I mention I am a broke college student?

Needless to say, I may have been scammed, and to make matter worse, i had to go back for a "cracked fan" two weeks later and spent $350 on that. Sure, cars are expensive, but part of me strongly believes that if I had more knowledge about the issue, or at least a big man to help me, this all could have been avoided.

I don't mean to distract you from your day job, but for your own sake ladies, follow the next few steps to avoid being cheated.

Bring a Man/ Knowledgeable Friend


When I purchased my first car, I brought my cousin, a mechanic in training to check out the parts. He was able to tell me how practical my purchase was; weighing the price and quality of my car. My problems before came from me running it to the ground, but still, he rode with me in it, looked under the hood, and made me feel more confident about my purchase. I ever shaved off a couple of hundred dollars from the price.

Research the Price of your Car Parts

There is obviously a service charge always, but considering you do not order the parts, make sure the mechanic is not overcharging you when looking at the materials he needed to use. Also, since we have this lovely information tool called the internet, you can see how much others paid for the same problems.


Research the Cost and Frequency of your Problem


Your vehicle may have an off the wall, infrequent problem, but remember that cars are built from one basic model, and typically begin to develop the same problems due to mileage/ usage. Research the problem your car is having, and at least if it costs a lot, you will be assured that this is just another one of those good with the bad compromises we have to make in life.





Ladies, next time you go the the mechanic, show them what's what and not the other way around. Even when you have a smudge of engine grease on your cheek, don't forget to Winc ;)

Trimming Dead Ends

Hair, like most anything in life, grows, and in time passes away. What do most of us tend to do once those dead ends are cramping our new hairstyle? We have them " trimmed" off. This concept should not apply only to hair, but all areas of life. When we want new growth to develop quickly, we have to cut off the old growth that has already cycled.


For almost 6 months, I have held onto a tarnished relationship. Sure, when it began, it was fresh, blissful, exciting, and alive. However, after a year passed my ends needed a serious trim, but I insisted on walking around ragged and delaying any new growth. Earlier in the week, my cousin, who is a recent graduate of USC, and I had a discussion about a few dead ends we were reluctant to trim and how they affected out lives. Ironically, both pertained to relationships with the opposite sex, and had visible effects.

Once her ends were finally trimmed, she met not one, but three new best friends, lost some weight, which had developed from stress, and graduated (huge accomplishment.) I am not sure which payments will be made once my ends are completely gone, but I began the trimming process about a week ago. Literally, I took a pair of scissors to my head and cut the hair myself. ;)

So, Ladies, next time your ends are looking dead and drain the luster from the rest of your hair, life, or spirit, do not be afraid to use those scissors . It is time to cut off loose ends and inspire new growth in the process.

Next time you give yourself a trim or go to the salon remember, it will take a few weeks to adjust, but the healthy effects will be beneficial in due time. Oh, and when your new do is finished, don't forget to look in the mirror and Winc ;)