Avoiding Abuse

There are many forms of abuse crawling through the universe, masked behind profound hurt in friends, family members, partners, spouses, and really, any kind of relationship you have to form with another human being. This can even be in the work place when you least expect it. I am not one to encourage putting guards up to prevent new growth in life. As a matter of fact, a good majority of us need to be more trusting and honest with ourselves. However, you do need to know when to put the pin on small deceitful actions that build up to larger ones.

The last few months I have taken off of school to "recollect" after I allowed several abusive relationships to tare me down and placed burdens on my back. They ranged from boyfriends, to girlfriends, to employers, to friends that were boys, to family members and now I find myself in isolation, separation from self, and honestly, just down in the dumps. The worst part is, most of this was a manifestation of a very important relationship that turned abusive.

To give you several examples of what this has looked like in my own life I will begin with my last relationship. Everything was great at first but the more I shared of myself the more controlling and separated he became. He began to ignore me when I came over ( after several months), and refused to join me in any activity, and even began to bash all of my dreams, goals, and joys. It only got worse, from me finding a bracelet on the side his bed to finding some inappropriate texts and I stayed because I didn't want to get the "I told you so lecture" from my friends.

Next, I met a girlfriend while at school who appeared genuine. We would hang out, eat an unforgivable amount of sweets, and talk about the toxic relationships we were both in. Little did I realize, she was going through a tremendous amount of hurt from her ex boyfriend. Once the school year came around and I hung out with her ex's new girlfriend (which I was honest about), she literally had me kicked me out of the room I had moved into to, changed the locks on her doors, and humiliated me while I was living a state away from home.

During and after this situation, I began working as a sever at a restaurant near my school. Several men came in frequently and would give me compliments, some very aggressive about it. And one day, an older gentleman came in and said something so degrading I did not know what to think, and with all of the prior abuse I dealt with, my voice had dwindled as it were. The sexual harassment got so bad, that I just quit, and I did not even have to gumption to tell my boss that is why.

Just the other day, the final straw was pulled in my bundle of abuse and mistreatment. I had moved in with a friend of a family member and was renting the bed of one of his friends. I was renting out the room month to month, planning on finding something more permanent once I made a few friends in the area. He had been dragging me to eat and asking for favors since I had moved in, and considering I was renting a room on a professional level, I would decline. Finally he asked me to commit to 2 months, which I was not prepared to, and after I gave it some thought and decline, tried to pull the "favor" card. He said he did me a favor by allowing me to live in his cock roach infested apartment and now I needed to did him one so he could afford to prepare for his LSAT preparation. Once I politely told him I would be looking elsewhere he not only requested I leave, but stole $550 dollars from my dresser and put it in his account before I got home. Needless to say, the deception was relatively evident from the start, but it took me a while to figure it out.

After and entire year an and a half of emotional abuse, eating myself to death, and being severely depressed, I am hoping most of you will be smart enough to stop these crumbling relationships before they start. Abuse hurts your soul and spirit, which are the most important parts of your being. I love you all and I know this one was lengthy, but I do not want anyone I know going through the same amount of pain. Avoid abuse by being patient, holding onto yourself and values, and keeping a eye peeled. Small actions build to larger once if they are not stopped at the source. It is like a parking ticket, if you do not take precautions early on you will get a ticket, and if you don't pay or forget to pay then you get a double fine, and if that goes unpaid you may even get in trouble with the law. Don't be a victim of abuse. I never saw any of this coming in my life, please do not be as spineless as I was.

And while your are taking in all of your surroundings wide eyed, don't forget to Winc ;)

Abuse Victim Hotline

By email: help@avhotline.org

By confidential web form: AV Hotline Confidential Contact Form

Online Hotline: Enabled M-F, 8AM-4PM (EST)

By phone: 1.877.4.It.To.Stop (1-877-448-8678)

"Hurt people, hurt people."